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THE BIG THINGS

I was always meant to do big things; I knew it in my heart. Everyone who knows me knew it. I was a studious kid all my life. And it wasn't like I was just book-smart; I was life-smart too. So the bar for me was raised higher than required, followed by a buttload of expectations. Sadly, I haven't made it big yet, and from how it's going, I don't know if I ever will. Plus, the expectations gradually shifting to disappointments don't help much. It's not very pleasant to go through this feeling; it is another level of existential crisis altogether. When people used to ask me what do I want to be, where do I see myself? I would say, "I'll be a CEO, nothing less; more is always welcome," and this wasn't too long ago. And now, I don't think I know what is my calling yet. Is what I am doing right now my true calling? Maybe a part of it is. Everyone kept telling me over the years that you'll know when you'll be good at it. Not to blow your o...

POST-COVID FRIENDSHIPS

People often say, "your circle gets smaller with age". I neither understood nor ever believed in it because why? Isn't it's supposed to be the opposite? You grow up, move universities, move cities, move jobs, more moving, more people and more potential friends, right? And it was all going right for me, but then Covid happened. The world and the moving paused for a long while. It affected us in ways we had never imagined in our wildest of dreams. Lives changed, lifestyles changed, priorities changed, factors affecting our decisions changed, we changed. Covid not only took many a life but also took away our zeal to be alive, our zest to connect, and our spirit to stay in touch. It was all fine at the start, but eventually, it got so dark and gloomy that even these social media apps couldn't keep the social in us alive. I was a super-social being. Social to the point that it was annoying. 70% of my day pre-covid constituted of hanging out with friends, catching up wi...

JUDGEMENTS AND MISJUDGMENTS

  One thing I will always hate about judgements and misjudgements is that there will be a few of them that will invariably have power over you, will rip your heart out time and again, and will make you question just about everything. You can preach all about growing up, moving on, having your life together, rising over the bullshit and yet you will give in.  I am sure we have all been there, I have been there, I am still there, I am somehow always there, living with it!  It makes me feel sick to the bone when I realise that all of our insecurities and fears originate from where we are supposed to feel most loved, secure and appreciated. The worst of it does not come from the outsiders. It comes from our own family, people who are close to us, people who are capable to sway us through their judgements and opinions. Why do we always fall short of things? Why nothing is enough? Why having a good heart isn’t enough, or why loving someone isn’t enough, or why trying your best ...

YOU DO YOU!

Amid a 100 lies that the school told us, there was one truth. We were often told that life is not easy when you get out of this place. And it wasn't, be it the cut-offs, the moving out of home, or the struggle of not feeling belonged. It didn't stop there. Our college professors again proclaimed that life is not easy when you get out of this place, and again, it wasn't. Be it choosing between a job, or higher studies, or your dreams, or realising your current skill set isn't enough to pay your bills or watching people win the race you are participating in too. I am not even getting started on how it goes up the ante when you become a working professional. It is like we are all a part of a universe-sized video game where difficulty level raises with each passing stage. But unlike three lives, we get numerous chances to fail and rise here. It never gets easier though. You just wipe the slate clean, learn your past lesson good and eventually find your way. It's a long ...

Damaged, Beyond Repair?

  I am at that stage in life where you can pleasantly discuss the prospect of getting married with your parents. It is a sweet phase to be in. The subjects to talk about are fresh and far away from regular chit-chat. It was all fun and games for me until my dad asked, "Give me a list of things you would want in a future husband."  To my surprise, I did not have a list. For someone who even has a list of things to do over the weekend, this was a little startling. I didn't know what to say, so I jokingly replied, "Idk! Maybe who replies to my texts in max 2 business days." But was I kidding? If yes, then who was I kidding?  I remember having a list as a teenager, obsessing over it with my girlies back when I was sweet 16. However, over the years, life worked out to be such a bitch that expecting a text back in 2 days is what I think is luxury.  When did life go from having a 10-pointer checklist for a prince charming to a series of traumatic experiences that rende...

MEN IN MY LIFE

Men in my life! Well, I do not touch topics like these because apparently, they are too touchy. But here I am today, as now I have officially run out of patience, reached my threshold, reasons to let it go, and saturated my ability to ignore.  I don't know if its an Indian thing or just a thing in general but, THE MEN IN MY LIFE have this uncontrollable desire to control me, cage me, put a leash in my neck and walk me like a pet, treat me like a puppet, and tell me what to do what not to do.  And the cutest little thing is they have the audacity to do this in the name of being possessive, caring and protective. I am not just talking about romantic relationships here. When I say men in my life, I mean ALL OF THEM.  Since the very beginning, I have never been the one to shy away from speaking my mind. I do what I think is right for me and in the way that suits me. That doesn't mean I do not think about the consequences or outcome of my actions. I am well-aware and super min...