POST-COVID FRIENDSHIPS

People often say, "your circle gets smaller with age". I neither understood nor ever believed in it because why? Isn't it's supposed to be the opposite? You grow up, move universities, move cities, move jobs, more moving, more people and more potential friends, right? And it was all going right for me, but then Covid happened. The world and the moving paused for a long while. It affected us in ways we had never imagined in our wildest of dreams. Lives changed, lifestyles changed, priorities changed, factors affecting our decisions changed, we changed.

Covid not only took many a life but also took away our zeal to be alive, our zest to connect, and our spirit to stay in touch. It was all fine at the start, but eventually, it got so dark and gloomy that even these social media apps couldn't keep the social in us alive. I was a super-social being. Social to the point that it was annoying. 70% of my day pre-covid constituted of hanging out with friends, catching up with the ones far away, and checking up on the ones going through a rough phase. I never cared if I was the only one driving a friendship because it's friendship. It's supposed to be easy. And now, I have to schedule calls with the very few friends I am left with one week in advance. Which I am not going to lie, I dread taking until I actually start talking to them.

I didn't exactly stop checking up on people, but I had to take a break. And I think everyone else had to too, and so my circle shrank. Another reason for that to happen was an olden saying, "out of sight, out of mind." As I mentioned earlier, factors affecting our decisions changed. I made certain decisions that drove me out of sight from 90% of my friends, leaving me out of their minds too. I don't think friends ever stopped loving each other, but everyone is so drained, exhausted and out of energy that keeping in touch, which was previously a leisurely activity now, seems like a real pain in the ass. I hope we do not get accustomed to this, and may our circles never shrink.

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PATTERNs & MOs

I have a friend who once told me about this theory of how we keep befriending or falling for people with identical qualities. It's like a pattern, a subconsciously identified comfort zone that we get lured by. I gave quite a thought to this, much more than I usually do to something I generally hear. I got really lucky in the friendship department, so falling in the pattern is worth my while. I would happily do it over and over again. But, when it comes to matters of heart, mmm, not so much! I just realised that the MO of the guys I get involved with is terrifying. (Switched to MO instead of patterns because it's criminal the number of times I have been hurt). It starts with them finding me somewhere on the internet. For the first month, they treat me like I put stars in the sky, pursue me as their world revolves around me, and practically force me to fantasise about a full-fledged life with them. Well, I am no less. My MO is over-sharing, a butt load of honesty, putting on

Jack of Crisis, Masters of Denial

Sinking in the sea of crisis, human-made, situational or self-induced. We aren't looking for solutions anymore. We aren't wasting time sulking. We are straight-up pushing it all to the deepest, darkest, rarely visited corners of our heads. After all, living in denial still counts for living, contrary to facing the feelings that leave you lifeless. We are eating, drinking, sleeping off or sleeping with the crisis. Pretending to be as unbothered while denying the fact that it burns like a gin and hurts like a bitch. Faking, hoping to make it. Skating through life while the fire within simmers only to erupt when least expected.

Ah! The incomparable joy and comfort in the lonliness

The joy of roaming around in an empty house in a robe with a glass of wine, The comfort of eating your favourite meal in a public space with your AirPods on, The joy of watching a movie and not getting prompted every minute, The comfort of not having to talk to anyone after a long-long day of work, The subtle joy and comfort in knowing there isn't anyone for you to depend upon. If you shatter into a thousand pieces, no one is going to pick any fraction of it. I am now best friends with the void that scared the shit out of me. Chills run through my body when I spare a mere thought of how comfortable I have gotten in my own company. I don't know what or which particular experience it is that cut right through me. But whatever or whoever did it, they did me a favour. After it all, you are all you got.

Ribs_Writes

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