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THE BIG THINGS


I was always meant to do big things; I knew it in my heart. Everyone who knows me knew it. I was a studious kid all my life. And it wasn't like I was just book-smart; I was life-smart too. So the bar for me was raised higher than required, followed by a buttload of expectations.

Sadly, I haven't made it big yet, and from how it's going, I don't know if I ever will. Plus, the expectations gradually shifting to disappointments don't help much. It's not very pleasant to go through this feeling; it is another level of existential crisis altogether.

When people used to ask me what do I want to be, where do I see myself? I would say, "I'll be a CEO, nothing less; more is always welcome," and this wasn't too long ago.

And now, I don't think I know what is my calling yet. Is what I am doing right now my true calling? Maybe a part of it is. Everyone kept telling me over the years that you'll know when you'll be good at it. Not to blow your own horn but, what if you're good at more than one thing? What do you do then?

I often wonder what will be my big break, and when will that happen? I feel like I am running a race without knowing what I want the finishing line to be. Still very sceptical about it, but I think it's okay. It's okay to be a little lost once in a while; it is okay to not know. I tried to plan every second of my life for a prolonged time, but my life didn't ever feel like cooperating. Taking a step back and preparing yourself for life to surprise you in its own fashion can be amusing. I am not optimistic, and despite all the disappointments, I still think there's a little hope for me. There's always some hope for all of us.

For me, it always and all comes down to feeling at peace at the end of the day. Big or not, whatever my calling may be, I just wish to feel accomplished, justify my purpose, be taken seriously and get so good at what I do that I become irreplaceable.


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