JUDGEMENTS AND MISJUDGMENTS

One thing I will always hate about judgements and misjudgements is that there will be a few of them that will invariably have power over you, will rip your heart out time and again, and will make you question just about everything. You can preach all about growing up, moving on, having your life together, rising over the bullshit and yet you will give in.

I am sure we have all been there, I have been there, I am still there, I am somehow always there, living with it! It makes me feel sick to the bone when I realise that all of our insecurities and fears originate from where we are supposed to feel most loved, secure and appreciated. The worst of it does not come from the outsiders. It comes from our own family, people who are close to us, people who are capable to sway us through their judgements and opinions.

Why do we always fall short of things? Why nothing is enough? Why having a good heart isn’t enough, or why loving someone isn’t enough, or why trying your best isn’t enough, or why being your own self isn’t enough?

It takes time to reach where a person wishes to be, or you want that person to be. And to speed up that process, we need empowerment, not judgements. We need support, we need to stand by each other, no matter what. The beauty of life is in diversity, inclusive of our strengths, our differences and our flaws.

Why can’t we just rise above judgements and be more accepting, letting everyone just be…

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PATTERNs & MOs

I have a friend who once told me about this theory of how we keep befriending or falling for people with identical qualities. It's like a pattern, a subconsciously identified comfort zone that we get lured by. I gave quite a thought to this, much more than I usually do to something I generally hear. I got really lucky in the friendship department, so falling in the pattern is worth my while. I would happily do it over and over again. But, when it comes to matters of heart, mmm, not so much! I just realised that the MO of the guys I get involved with is terrifying. (Switched to MO instead of patterns because it's criminal the number of times I have been hurt). It starts with them finding me somewhere on the internet. For the first month, they treat me like I put stars in the sky, pursue me as their world revolves around me, and practically force me to fantasise about a full-fledged life with them. Well, I am no less. My MO is over-sharing, a butt load of honesty, putting on

Jack of Crisis, Masters of Denial

Sinking in the sea of crisis, human-made, situational or self-induced. We aren't looking for solutions anymore. We aren't wasting time sulking. We are straight-up pushing it all to the deepest, darkest, rarely visited corners of our heads. After all, living in denial still counts for living, contrary to facing the feelings that leave you lifeless. We are eating, drinking, sleeping off or sleeping with the crisis. Pretending to be as unbothered while denying the fact that it burns like a gin and hurts like a bitch. Faking, hoping to make it. Skating through life while the fire within simmers only to erupt when least expected.

Ah! The incomparable joy and comfort in the lonliness

The joy of roaming around in an empty house in a robe with a glass of wine, The comfort of eating your favourite meal in a public space with your AirPods on, The joy of watching a movie and not getting prompted every minute, The comfort of not having to talk to anyone after a long-long day of work, The subtle joy and comfort in knowing there isn't anyone for you to depend upon. If you shatter into a thousand pieces, no one is going to pick any fraction of it. I am now best friends with the void that scared the shit out of me. Chills run through my body when I spare a mere thought of how comfortable I have gotten in my own company. I don't know what or which particular experience it is that cut right through me. But whatever or whoever did it, they did me a favour. After it all, you are all you got.

Ribs_Writes

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