Ribs_Writes

Y ou know that tingly feeling you get when you start talking to someone new? S omeone you’d never thought of that way, S omeone you never know existed, S omeone who just popped out of nowhere leaving you astonished and suddenly became the reason for you to smile like a fool while doing chores, to check your phone every now and then, to give you those little butterflies in your stomach, to give you that curiosity, that relatively positive outlook towards life. H ow ridiculously nice is that feeling, the feeling where you know this could be the beginning of something, something that may last or it might not as well but it’s so refreshing how you keep finding answers, keep discovering, keep studying that person! I t’s that pink phase you are in which you do not really know will transform to what color next but what you do know is that it’s just nice to have someone to talk to, someone to answer how your day went, someone to let know you’re home safe, someone’s text to wait for, someone...

Half a year into not having you around, I somehow managed to pick up a million broken pieces of my life and faintly arranged them all together.  While I was at it, I finally gathered enough courage to look at things I turned away from, the things that reminded me of you. I revisited the playlist you made me, The movies we watched together,  The shows we could not get enough of, The dishes we had so much fun cooking, The places we picked to go visit, The plans we made for our future together. The mornings I woke up to your calls, The afternoons we spent thinking of each other,  The evenings we spent at our favorite cafe’s, The nights we spent holding hands looking at the stars, The things you told me you loved about me, The letters I wrote to you, yes, the same letters that you burned away without thinking twice.  Yes, they are all absolutely right when they say time is the biggest healer, it does heal you, you move forward if not move on but why don’t they say anythi...

Life is a funny game, I’ll never be able to understand some of its rules like why do we always have to learn a lesson the hard way? Why go through a detailed trauma in order to see the real world? Why get our faith shaken in humanity and question the goodness in people to see where we actually stand? Why always carry some kind of baggage? Why cannot it be easy? And if not easy at least not so rough. I have always been a very carefree person, someone who believed in ignoring the red flags, someone who overlooked a lot of things in order to focus on the good before life hit me hard, and when it did I decided to be wise, I decided to grow up and while doing that I guess I lost my true self.  I started thinking a lot, I took calculated steps, I tried to get hold of my life, from the person who would trust people even before meeting them, I became a person who could never trust, who stopped looking at the positive side of things, who let her guard so high to save herself from all the p...

It will always be very grueling for me to understand how prioritizing yourself makes you selfish? How ranking your mental health over being an unpaid counselor to the people around you makes you self-centered? How avoiding negativity in order to maintain emotional stability in your life makes you nasty? How shutting people out, not because of hatred but because of the love you contain for yourself makes you an antagonist? If for once you choose YOURSELF, you care for your emotional wellness before being readily available for others why does it make you so awful? Why do people around us have such a tough time accepting this simple notion? Now when we have been normalizing a lot of other stuff lately, why not normalize choosing  self-sufficiency over self-lessness if it's exhausting you emotionally and physically. Anyway in my opinion, if you cannot suffice yourself, you can hardly be a provider to others.

I am that Therapist friend who people turn to when they are in pain. I have always had some kind of power over people where I somehow manage to convince them that this is not the end of the world, there’s more to it, and the more to it is beautiful.  Hang in there, I’ll hang in with you, we’ll get through this together . I would preach about looking at the bright side, being optimistic, looking for the silver lining, and what not!  So when tables turned, it just hit me hard that it’s way easier said than done.  My friends who were once my projects were now putting in their best effort to help me look at the silver lining by making me a list of all the rational logic. They did what exactly I would do, they were there, they were ALWAYS there trying numerous ways to cheer me up.  I went to places I loved, I did things that used to give me confidence , I ate all the fries and froyos . I was trying, just not hard enough. I wasn’t able to get through my pain, I felt tra...