For 2022, manifesting to break down the walls keeping the light from shining in the darkness.

It is that time of the year when there is a new enthusiasm, new hopes, new promises in the air. I am very realistic when it comes to New Year Resolutions because why make promises you cannot keep. But one promise I consistently resolve every year is taking care of myself in whatever way I can, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Last year, I did not stay true to this as much as I should have. I let the negativity take over, and I am not entirely taking the blame because 2021 was one hell of a nightmare. I mean, what was even left to witness.

My overthinking shot up 10x in 2021, jumping to the worst possible conclusion became a matter of course, and simping on things I have absolutely no control over was what I spent probably a quarter of my year on.

In the thick of it all, I did gather some wisdom. As a person who overthinks, practically whatever there is to think, I realised that you create issues in your head that does not really exist. I am sorry, but your gut feeling is lying to you. You gotta chill with it. You need to manifest positivity, you need to tell yourself that you may have been hurt too many times, but this is not one of those times. And if it unfortunately is, what can you even do about it.

Even the people who love you the most can be there for you to an extent, but it’s not on them to calm your insecurities or treat your mind that’s repeatedly telling you that something is wrong when there actually isn’t.

It’s on you how you deal with your shit because people have their own shit to deal with.

Nothing is real, as long as it does not happen. And when it happens, it may not even be as bad as you build it up in your mind. For 2022, manifesting to break down the walls keeping the light from shining in the darkness.

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PATTERNs & MOs

I have a friend who once told me about this theory of how we keep befriending or falling for people with identical qualities. It's like a pattern, a subconsciously identified comfort zone that we get lured by. I gave quite a thought to this, much more than I usually do to something I generally hear. I got really lucky in the friendship department, so falling in the pattern is worth my while. I would happily do it over and over again. But, when it comes to matters of heart, mmm, not so much! I just realised that the MO of the guys I get involved with is terrifying. (Switched to MO instead of patterns because it's criminal the number of times I have been hurt). It starts with them finding me somewhere on the internet. For the first month, they treat me like I put stars in the sky, pursue me as their world revolves around me, and practically force me to fantasise about a full-fledged life with them. Well, I am no less. My MO is over-sharing, a butt load of honesty, putting on

Jack of Crisis, Masters of Denial

Sinking in the sea of crisis, human-made, situational or self-induced. We aren't looking for solutions anymore. We aren't wasting time sulking. We are straight-up pushing it all to the deepest, darkest, rarely visited corners of our heads. After all, living in denial still counts for living, contrary to facing the feelings that leave you lifeless. We are eating, drinking, sleeping off or sleeping with the crisis. Pretending to be as unbothered while denying the fact that it burns like a gin and hurts like a bitch. Faking, hoping to make it. Skating through life while the fire within simmers only to erupt when least expected.

Ah! The incomparable joy and comfort in the lonliness

The joy of roaming around in an empty house in a robe with a glass of wine, The comfort of eating your favourite meal in a public space with your AirPods on, The joy of watching a movie and not getting prompted every minute, The comfort of not having to talk to anyone after a long-long day of work, The subtle joy and comfort in knowing there isn't anyone for you to depend upon. If you shatter into a thousand pieces, no one is going to pick any fraction of it. I am now best friends with the void that scared the shit out of me. Chills run through my body when I spare a mere thought of how comfortable I have gotten in my own company. I don't know what or which particular experience it is that cut right through me. But whatever or whoever did it, they did me a favour. After it all, you are all you got.

Ribs_Writes

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