There are always gonna be those days...

There are always gonna be days when you'll have a lot to say, yet you won't be able to find the right set of words.

There are always gonna be days when you'll feel too much, yet you won’t find a way to release all your emotions.

There are always gonna be days when you'll have everything, yet you won't feel fulfilled.

There are always gonna be days when you'll feel empty, yet you won't find anything to fill in the void.

Some things will stop making sense, while others will start making a lot of it. Either way, both will add to intensifying the void you feel. You'll have everyone around, and yet you'll find yourself standing all alone in the storm. It will be fatiguing for you to relate to this world.

You are just like this person who has lost the way back home, someone who can't see the light. You'll feel like crying for help, looking for someone who can take you out of this darkness you're stuck in.

You'll look around and you won't find anyone, and then you'll tell yourself, "I’ve never had anyone, I’ve always been on my own, making my own way, finding my own light. I don’t know when I became this person who has a dark side, someone who carries so much inside, the one who finds it hard to hide but always goes with the tide."

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PATTERNs & MOs

I have a friend who once told me about this theory of how we keep befriending or falling for people with identical qualities. It's like a pattern, a subconsciously identified comfort zone that we get lured by. I gave quite a thought to this, much more than I usually do to something I generally hear. I got really lucky in the friendship department, so falling in the pattern is worth my while. I would happily do it over and over again. But, when it comes to matters of heart, mmm, not so much! I just realised that the MO of the guys I get involved with is terrifying. (Switched to MO instead of patterns because it's criminal the number of times I have been hurt). It starts with them finding me somewhere on the internet. For the first month, they treat me like I put stars in the sky, pursue me as their world revolves around me, and practically force me to fantasise about a full-fledged life with them. Well, I am no less. My MO is over-sharing, a butt load of honesty, putting on

Jack of Crisis, Masters of Denial

Sinking in the sea of crisis, human-made, situational or self-induced. We aren't looking for solutions anymore. We aren't wasting time sulking. We are straight-up pushing it all to the deepest, darkest, rarely visited corners of our heads. After all, living in denial still counts for living, contrary to facing the feelings that leave you lifeless. We are eating, drinking, sleeping off or sleeping with the crisis. Pretending to be as unbothered while denying the fact that it burns like a gin and hurts like a bitch. Faking, hoping to make it. Skating through life while the fire within simmers only to erupt when least expected.

Ah! The incomparable joy and comfort in the lonliness

The joy of roaming around in an empty house in a robe with a glass of wine, The comfort of eating your favourite meal in a public space with your AirPods on, The joy of watching a movie and not getting prompted every minute, The comfort of not having to talk to anyone after a long-long day of work, The subtle joy and comfort in knowing there isn't anyone for you to depend upon. If you shatter into a thousand pieces, no one is going to pick any fraction of it. I am now best friends with the void that scared the shit out of me. Chills run through my body when I spare a mere thought of how comfortable I have gotten in my own company. I don't know what or which particular experience it is that cut right through me. But whatever or whoever did it, they did me a favour. After it all, you are all you got.

Ribs_Writes

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