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I don’t know who can relate, but one thing I have been noticing about myself for a very long time is that relationships bring out the worst in me. And here I am not going into the details of how they do not work, but I’m here to say why I am never the best version of myself when I’m committing to someone.

I try to keep my calm, but I end up messing things up. I start feeling deeply at the point I’m just supposed to be knowing the person, I worry about little things, get insecure, get jealous, and maybe get a little clingy as well.

I feel deprived when I don’t get what I expect out of the arrangement I have signed up for because I have always been of the view that adding a person to your life must add happiness, peace, and contentment. Instead, I land up with toxicity, pessimism, and questioning my self-worth. 

If someone has no value or meaning to offer, how can it be worth it? I mean, like what’s even the point of going through all that trouble of letting someone in?

Well, sticking to my ground rules for a relationship, I conclude by finding my way out. Out, where I’m lonely again.

No, not the sad lonely, but one big happy lonely (maybe just happy go lucky lonely :p).

The normal, sane, and the best version of myself lonely :)

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