Skip to main content



I don’t know who can relate, but one thing I have been noticing about myself for a very long time is that relationships bring out the worst in me. And here I am not going into the details of how they do not work, but I’m here to say why I am never the best version of myself when I’m committing to someone.

I try to keep my calm, but I end up messing things up. I start feeling deeply at the point I’m just supposed to be knowing the person, I worry about little things, get insecure, get jealous, and maybe get a little clingy as well.

I feel deprived when I don’t get what I expect out of the arrangement I have signed up for because I have always been of the view that adding a person to your life must add happiness, peace, and contentment. Instead, I land up with toxicity, pessimism, and questioning my self-worth. 

If someone has no value or meaning to offer, how can it be worth it? I mean, like what’s even the point of going through all that trouble of letting someone in?

Well, sticking to my ground rules for a relationship, I conclude by finding my way out. Out, where I’m lonely again.

No, not the sad lonely, but one big happy lonely (maybe just happy go lucky lonely :p).

The normal, sane, and the best version of myself lonely :)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What makes a woman unlovable?

A t some point, every single man that I have been with has told me that I am unlovable and that I cannot last with anyone. Not for long, at least. There was this one guy back in the day; who told me I was so complicated that I should come with an instruction manual.  Well, noted. I kept it simple. Put everything on the table. What I was bringing and what I expected in lieu. But, that scared most of them away, and the ones who lasted called me names.  Nearly 28 years of existence, and I couldn't decode my way around a man. How does a woman who knows what she's worth, who knows how she should be treated, who's aware of what she brings and what she should take away from the table, unlovable?  I worked hard for this. To be this woman who knows her worth. I thought this was what people loved me for, and believe me, the list is endless. Everyone loves a woman who's confident, self-aware and speaks for herself unless you are romantically involved with her. Every quality that ...
Post a Comment
Read more

SEEK PLEASURE IN SIMPLICITY

We as a generation are a set of people who are usually confused, terrified, uncertain, over-optimistic/pessimistic, trying to have it all, commitment-phobic because of lack of worthy examples to look up to, or because our relationships perished sooner than a glass of milk.  I have said it before, and I'll say it again! We do not express gratitude enough. We do not appreciate the little things in life. We are too busy working towards and looking at the bigger picture that we miss out on the comfort and beauty of reality.  The pandemic has taken too much from us already, our loved ones, our normal lives, and our will to socialise. It's high time we start acknowledging the things that we generally do not give enough credence to. It's due time we start smiling at the simple joys, as the big ones aren't happening like they used to.  Appreciate the ones who even make a faint attempt at reaching out to you from their equally busy schedule. Do not hesitate in reaching out to pe...
Post a Comment
Read more
Am I a writer by choice or my disappointments make me one? I was a super active kid in school, I would dance, sing, act, speak, debate, recite, lead teams, get the best grades but I would write only for the hand-writing competitions. In college, there was hardly any event that I was not a part of. But I was always on the set, managing stuff, running around the college campus to get things done. I never thought I could write. I would dump the content-related work on other team members. Duh, I wasn’t even considered to be the who’s going to write. Over the years, life became challenging, relationships started failing, loved ones started drifting away, life choices weren’t as simple as they used to be, and every action had a higher intensity reaction.  Even after being a social butterfly, I couldn’t find people who would listen to me without any judgments hence, being a solution-oriented person, I started to vent out on a piece of paper. Because I just had to vent out, I never used to...
Post a Comment
Read more