Skip to main content



I don’t know who can relate, but one thing I have been noticing about myself for a very long time is that relationships bring out the worst in me. And here I am not going into the details of how they do not work, but I’m here to say why I am never the best version of myself when I’m committing to someone.

I try to keep my calm, but I end up messing things up. I start feeling deeply at the point I’m just supposed to be knowing the person, I worry about little things, get insecure, get jealous, and maybe get a little clingy as well.

I feel deprived when I don’t get what I expect out of the arrangement I have signed up for because I have always been of the view that adding a person to your life must add happiness, peace, and contentment. Instead, I land up with toxicity, pessimism, and questioning my self-worth. 

If someone has no value or meaning to offer, how can it be worth it? I mean, like what’s even the point of going through all that trouble of letting someone in?

Well, sticking to my ground rules for a relationship, I conclude by finding my way out. Out, where I’m lonely again.

No, not the sad lonely, but one big happy lonely (maybe just happy go lucky lonely :p).

The normal, sane, and the best version of myself lonely :)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What makes a woman unlovable?

A t some point, every single man that I have been with has told me that I am unlovable and that I cannot last with anyone. Not for long, at least. There was this one guy back in the day; who told me I was so complicated that I should come with an instruction manual.  Well, noted. I kept it simple. Put everything on the table. What I was bringing and what I expected in lieu. But, that scared most of them away, and the ones who lasted called me names.  Nearly 28 years of existence, and I couldn't decode my way around a man. How does a woman who knows what she's worth, who knows how she should be treated, who's aware of what she brings and what she should take away from the table, unlovable?  I worked hard for this. To be this woman who knows her worth. I thought this was what people loved me for, and believe me, the list is endless. Everyone loves a woman who's confident, self-aware and speaks for herself unless you are romantically involved with her. Every quality that ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ah! The incomparable joy and comfort in the lonliness

  The joy of roaming around in an empty house in a robe with a glass of wine, The comfort of eating your favourite meal in a public space with your AirPods on, The joy of watching a movie and not getting prompted every minute,  The comfort of not having to talk to anyone after a long-long day of work, The subtle joy and comfort in knowing there isn't anyone for you to depend upon. If you shatter into a thousand pieces, no one is going to pick any fraction of it. I am now best friends with the void that scared the shit out of me. Chills run through my body when I spare a mere thought of how comfortable I have gotten in my own company. I don't know what or which particular experience it is that cut right through me. But whatever or whoever did it, they did me a favour. After it all, you are all you got.
Post a Comment
Read more
SHE’S THERE! Exactly where she should be - IN HER LANE . Doing exactly what she’s supposed to do - STAYING FOCUSED . Doing exactly the way she should be - UNBOTHERED . FLOURISHING into a woman she has always dreamt of and worked earnestly for.  But on her way of progress, she comes across a few hurdles. Hurdles in the form of people, things, situations. These hurdles have a sole motive of slowing down the pace of her progress.  She finds passing these hurdles tough at times since everyone has their highs and lows nonetheless, the fighter in her makes her realize that she’s F abulous, her E nergy cannot be matched and her A ura is infectious.  She’s the source of positivity and inspiration to many. She just has to keep up with this one effortless job of being HERSELF with her head held high and nothing or no one can stop her from being on the top.
6 comments
Read more